I won’t be there on your first day at school
I made a decision today. A really, really tough decision which I have spent many weeks pondering, and one which, whatever the outcome, I will revisit and constantly question if it were the right one.
It’s just over a week until your first day at school. It isn’t even a day. You are just there for a couple of hours and each of your classmates have an individual start time. I know it is a big occasion, but I will be letting Daddy take you. You won’t question why on that day, but if you do in the future, this is why…..
You are used to a routine, and that routine is that your daddy dropping you off at nursery. He has done that since you were a year old. He worked through the tears and tantrums of him leaving you there and you and he are happy with your morning drop offs.
Last time I came in to drop you off there were tears. From both of us. And it was my fault. My fault for being there. My fault for letting myself get upset. Your first day at school is a new chapter in your life. I want your first day, and ideally every single one afterwards to start with excitement and anticipation, not tears.
So there it is my darling. Have your special moment with Daddy. I won’t be there to hold your hand and kiss you goodbye as you walk into the classroom in your uniform for the first time, but I will be thinking of you and I promise that for the rest of your school days, you will always have my support and I will be immensely proud of all your achievements no matter how small.