Bye bye bump
Having been out of the maternity clothes for a while and accepting that there will be no more children now, I put all the decent maternity clothes on EBay. They are now all gone and I am not sure how I feel about this.
When I was pregnant for the first time it was a new and exciting experience. I could tell you exactly how many weeks and days I was gone. I knew what was happening to the little person inside me. I also admit to having “bump envy” – every pregnant lady I saw seemed to have a bigger bump than me.
Second time round was a different matter. I had to use an app to tell me where I was in the pregnancy, and every time I looked up about the baby’s development, the app would also give me a little tip about getting plenty of rest, prompting me to shout “AND JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WITH A TODDLER?”. Pregnancy the second time round was hard. I developed SPD after 12 weeks and as a result for most of the remaining pregnancy I felt at best uncomfortable and for a large portion of the time in a fair bit of pain. I was really tired and run-down with very little opportunity to rest. I remember having a bit of a cry at the midwife that I was just really really tired when she asked how things are going. In fact, I felt so much better after I had given birth as the SPD disappeared and I was able to get some rest (despite feeding Emily every 3 hours).
That’s not to say I didn’t also love being pregnant. The responsibility of carrying that tiny little person inside you and being rewarded with the reassuring kicks and wriggles. I loved the random conversations struck up with strangers about my pregnancy. You can feel so special by being pregnant. I remember the constant worry during pregnancy. Worrying how my behaviour might be affecting her. But in reality the relatively short time worrying about your baby during pregnancy is nothing compared to the lifetime of worrying about them after they have been born.
So no more maternity clothes and no more babies. But this isn’t something to lament as I do have have my two beautiful girls. And although a mother’s love is infinite, my patience isn’t.